Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Chapter 1: Violet

“…In other news, yet another portal has been discovered in Rio De Janeiro. Officials say the opening explains the disappearance of…” Violet Mahoney pressed the button on her clock radio to turn it off. She grabbed her glasses from the night table and fumbled with them. When she was finally successful at placing them on her face, she slowly made her way into the bathroom. She splashed her face with water, and slipped on her fuzzy blue robe. Then she shuffled into the kitchen to make a cup of coffee. Once she had her coffee in hand and felt more human, she opened the door of her apartment into the hallway, picked up the newspaper, and sat it on her table. She glanced at the front page. “Portal Discovered…” she only needed to see those words and the black and white picture of a swirling vortex, and she was compelled to shove it off the table.

“I’m so sick of these damn portals.” Violet’s cat, Junior Mint, rubbed herself against Violet’s leg as if she was truly listening to the woman’s pointless statement; in reality she just wanted food. “Fine, fine.” Violet fed the cat and continued to get ready

Later, in her car on the way to work, Violet struggled to find a radio station that wasn’t discussing the recent portals that had inexplicably materialized and sucked in any and all things unfortunate enough to be near it. Scientists across the world had been struggling to provide an explanation to the panicky public, but none of the explanations had been proven. People in Violet’s town didn’t seem too unhinged by the idea of these mysterious portals, but that was probably because none had popped up in the states, yet.

Violet didn’t particularly care about the portals at all; she had been working on a big project at the library. They were renovating, and Violet was in charge of shifting each massive section of books to another place while still maintaining and updating records in the computer, and they were supposed to get a new shipment of books in any day. The renovation was only supposed to take three weeks, but the contractor came in yesterday and informed them of “unforeseen circumstances” that were not only going to consume another month, but were also going to cost three times the original estimate. Violet had been struggling not to buckle under the pressure, but she wasn’t sure how long that would last.

She pulled the car into her regular parking space at the library and noticed that something looked different, but she couldn’t quite figure it out. Something was missing. Violet scanned the familiar scene and realized that there used to be a large post office mailbox on the corner. It wasn’t there.

“Maybe the post office picked it up. I don’t think it was used very often,” Violet thought to herself as she pushed her door open and climbed out of the car.

She unlocked the heavy glass doors to the library and flipped on the lights as she walked to her desk and began to unload her things. She booted up the computers, and turned when she heard Sylvia, the assistant librarian, open the doors. She watched her walk in the door and unpack her bag onto the desk adjacent to hers.

“Hey, we need to go ahead and get started on shifting the young adult fiction section. I think they’re going to start working over there today.”

Sylvia tilted her head to the side and stared at Violet. “Good morning to you, too.” Sylvia’s smile was pretty, but the wrinkles indicated that she’d been smoking for more than a few years.

Violet laughed a little, “Sorry, I just want to get this renovating all over with, how was your weekend?”

“It was fine, but you know how my brother was vacationing in Rio De Janeiro?” Violet nodded even though she hadn’t really remembered, “Well his hotel is only a few blocks from where that new portal popped up.”

Violet rolled her eyes, but Sylvia didn’t seem to notice.

“Yeah, he’s really lucky he wasn’t sucked in. Apparently, someone he’d met at the hotel was, though. He says that there are scientists all over the place, taking samples, questioning tourists. He cut his vacation short and booked a flight back today. He said it was all just a little creepy.”

Violet had only met Sylvia’s brother once, and that was when she and her brother, Sven, had last spoken. It was at last year’s annual Chamber of Commerce Ball where representatives were supposed to attend in honor of the organization’s members. Sylvia had brought her brother because she didn’t want to go alone, and Sven was representing a local research lab whose work was top secret. Sven and Violet had gotten into an argument about his job. She asked about an article she had seen in the national paper. Part of her was curious and the other was trying to make small talk, but he refused to talk about it at all. He even got a little testy when Violet tried to prod him some more, and he eventually ended up storming out of the banquet hall. The stubborn streak in their family hadn’t allowed either of them to call the other, so they simply hadn’t spoken to each other since then.

It was then that Violet became curious about the Large Hadron Collider. That’s what the article had been about, and she’d never heard of it. Naturally, as a librarian, Violet felt that there shouldn’t be much that she had never heard of, so she did her research. Her research didn’t do much good because of all the scientific terms about molecular this and atomic that, so she asked Sven. He acted like she had spoken in Swahili. So much for that.

Sylvia asked Violet about her weekend, but she shrugged and avoided the question. They both knew that Violet didn’t get out much because she’d rather be at home reading a book, but on Monday nights Violet continued her studies in Jiu-Jitsu, and even instructed some beginning classes. The Japanese martial art had become a hobby during her undergrad years and had served her well on at least one occasion.

She’d been walking home from a late class, and the parking lot was already empty. Some man had grabbed her from behind, but she was able to fling him over her shoulder onto the ground and make a mad dash to her car. From then on, she made it a point to always try to have someone with her, but the skills she’d learned in class served her almost as well as any buddy system ever could. Now, Violet considered it community service to help instruct some beginning adult classes for her local community center, so that others could feel a little safer, too. Violet considered herself the ultimate nerd: book worm, lonely cat girl, and foreign film lover, but at least she could defend herself.

“Why don’t you come out with me tomorrow night, Violet? I was planning on going to the new place on Twelfth Avenue. We could have a little fun, you know, maybe find some rich men.” Sylvia lifted her eyebrows and was hoping to cheer Violet up. Maybe having her there for a little moral support for herself wouldn’t be such a bad idea, either. She tried to act really confident, but she admired Violet for being such a grounded person.

Violet laughed. “Maybe,” she said, “ask me again tomorrow.”

They both turned to the looming shelf of books, and began to stack the first cart of the morning. Violet began to wonder about going out with Sylvia. It had been a long time since she’d try to date, maybe now would be a good time to get started again. She picked up a large stack of books and heaved it onto the rolling cart. Loud dance clubs and bars weren’t really her cup of tea, though. Maybe she’d suggest a nice art gallery or something instead, but she knew that Sylvia would laugh and tell her you couldn’t meet men there. They rolled the cart, now full, over to an empty corner of the library and began to unload it.

“I think I’m going out for a smoke, Vi. I’ll be back in ten.” Sylvia headed toward her desk to retrieve her cigarettes and cell phone.

Sylvia’s mention of going outside reminded Violet, “Hey Sylvia, do you know what happened to that mailbox out on the corner?”

Sylvia stopped and turned on her heels back to face Violet, “No, is it not there anymore?”

“No, I thought maybe someone from the post office had mentioned something to you about removing it. I guess not.”

“Nope, nothing to me.” Sylvia shrugged dismissing the subject and made her way outside to her usual smoking spot, a bench at the corner of the street, but when she looked up from having lit her cigarette and taken the first, long draw, she realized her bench was missing. “Shit. What is the city doing? Removing everything that’s not nailed to the earth?”

Sylvia finished her cigarette and flicked it into the street. As she pulled open the door she called toward Violet, “Hey, do you know anything about the bench missing outside?” The door shut behind her.

Violet looked up from her stack of books to answer her friend, but she was distracted by the sight of her brother, Sven, running frantically by the library door, his white lab coat covered in what looked like blood.

15 comments:

  1. I came up a few hundred words short with the initial beginning, so I added some parts about the mailbox and the bench. I was thinking maybe this could signal that a new portal would be opening soon, and maybe the characters could see the items after they, too, have been sucked in. Just some ideas. Thanks!

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  2. I like the missing items, Chelsea! You've left a lot of room for the next person to grow the story. A great opening. Can't wait to see why Sven is bloody!

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  3. I love the opening! Love the missing objects and that Sylvia's smoking habit has a use to show more objects are missing. I think you also did a great job showing that Violet is introverted while throwing the assassin knowledge in there too. It's a great Ch1 and I hope my Ch2 can live up to it! :)

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  4. Is it ok with everyone if Violet and Sven get sucked in to a portal in my chapter or would it be better if that happen's later?

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  5. well, I'm doing ch3 and I wouldn't mind, but I don't know what everyone else thinks.

    Chelsea: I really liked this opening. The added elements were a nice touch, and you really got into Violet's head. The only concern I had is that it seemed to lose a bit of the edgy humor in this draft. Maybe it's just the extra details that clouded it over for me, but it's not a huge problem. Great job!

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  6. Awesome opening Chelsea. Your original draft was good, but this is even better. I'm looking forward to what's going on with Sven, and I know everyone already mentioned it, but the missing items were a nice touch!

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  7. btw the rap below is hilarious. I watched it on my laptop today on the concourse and I couldn't stop laughing.

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  8. Great job Chelsea! To echo what everyone has said so far, I really like that you've added in the missing items! I think it could be really funny to see them again once Sven and Sylvia get sucked into the vortex.
    I also liked that you added in more about the library undergoing renovation and Violet trying not to buckle under the pressure--that adds in some "lettuce and tomato" to the cheeseburger! Just a thought for the following chapters... it might be a good idea to expand upon that external conflict.
    You did an awesome job of developing Sylvia's character in what you've added. I particularly like her quote when she notices that the bench is missing! Another thought for the future chapters... what will happen to Sylvia? Is she getting sucked into the vortex too or left behind? I'd hate to see her disappear (no pun intended) from the story! (I also think it'd be kind of funny to work her in as a sidekick or assistant of some sort... maybe like Alfred's character in Batman. Just a thought!)
    Again, awesome job on the first chapter!

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  9. Bravo Chelsea! The last scene is a great ending to the first chapter. It opens up a plethora of options for the next chapter!
    Like Lauren, I think that Sylvia has the makings of a good sidekick. However, with a sidekick we might be pushing the superhero line a bit. Perhaps there could be someone strikingly similar to her in the other world/dimension/time or perhaps she could see Violet fall into the vortex (like Diner in Disney's Alice in Wonderland)?

    I am super excited about where Melissa is going to take this in the next chapter!

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  10. Great work! I thought you had an exciting ending that makes the reader want to read further. Your characters are interesting and believable. The way that you jump right into the story with the vortexes open contributes to the immediacy of the action. I also like how you are making random things disappear one at a time rather than whole chunks of the town or something. I agree with Lauren; I like the idea of keeping Sylvia present in the story as a sort of foil or balance for Violet is a good idea.

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  11. Hmm...well, I love it! Kind of useless to say at this point, but yes, your disappearing objects are a fantastic touch. Also, I do like Sylvia, but I have to disagree with everyone else-- I don't think she needs to fall into the vortex if Sven does as well. I think she works well as a side character, but I agree with Allana that perhaps Sylvia should see Violet fall in but not fall in herself.

    I like your subtle wit. You have a strong voice. Also, I like how you've worked in details that we'll need later (i.e. Jiu Jitsu classes). I'm really pleased that you are "sewing" the story so expertly! I'm very encouraged by this. Can't wait to see what's next! Melissa, good luck with Sven. ;)

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  12. Wonderful job! I love the characters, they definitely peak my interest and the ending is so exciting- I love a good mystery. Very good descriptions and I like the hint of wittiness that you have in your writing

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  13. I like how you're developing the pseudoscience of the story, but I'm wondering what people's thoughts are as to where the objects are going, specifically. Do the portals lead to an alternate universe of similar makeup to our universe, or to some sort of weird bizarro universe?
    The character development is really great. I'm especially interested in seeing how the mundane concerns develop alongside the science fiction. Let's bring in some rich men! - Trent

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  15. I'm with Trent on bringing in the rich men ;) haha.

    I also enjoyed the missing objects and their nonchalance towards the lack of object. I think this sets Violet's character up nicely. I also like that you let Sylvia call her by a nickname, which makes me feel like they're pretty good friends. So I could see her becoming a sidekick, but I don't know if I'm really down with the whole superhero bit. It's a great opening!

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