Monday, March 29, 2010

Chapter 6: The Gerrymandering Doppelgänger

Sven and Violet trudged through the forest, squinting into the blazing sun so as to not lose sight of their monkey-like guides. "I think we should name them!" exclaimed Violet, grinning widely in the thick rays of sunlight pouring through the canopy. The heavy smell of the wood that emanated the ancient jungle reminded her of the smell of dusty old tomes, and their hike reminded her of many a search for the perfect book, for the perfect moment... So often, she would simply close her eyes with a forefinger extended, perusing the long aisles in pursuit, braving the stepladders and sometimes blindly stumbling over young readers immersed in their own quests for knowledge. Nothing abated her desire in these moments of passion, not even its lack of... "Nomenclature? You want to get bogged down in the nomenclature of the local fauna? Can we focus here, Violet?" Sven turned around and faced his sister, brow dripping with perspiration and throat raspy with thirst. It was only by seeing the accumulation of dirt and sweat on Sven's face that Violet realized how long they had been in the jungle.

"Jeez, Sven, I'm just saying, these creatures might be our friends! I don't care about naming them 'for science', I just figured it would be easier to keep up with them if we agreed upon a designation for them."

"Violet, that's the last thing I'm concerned about. I'm sorry--you can have your little fictive dream back there with your head in the clouds, but our pal 'Billy' gave us pretty clear instructions, and I think we ought to just stick to the plan."

"Sven! Don't be a jerk! Just because I'm a not some big-shot scientist doesn't mean you can treat me like a child! We're in an ALTERNATE UNIVERSE! Maybe you should look around and smell the roses!"

"We're not in an 'alternate universe,' Violet... We're in a HIGHLY UNSTABLE ROGUE VORTEX! Maybe you forgot Planet Earth, but last time we were there it was slowly being absorbed into OBLIVION! Seeing as how we somehow survived the journey, we're in an optimal position to provide incalculably valuable data and I don't know, maybe SAVE THE WORLD? Excuse me if I'm a little overeager to get home, and not too keen on the idea of playing Alice in Wonderland with you!"

The monkey-thingamajigs heard Sven chattering at his sister, and they turned around to chatter in suit. Sven turned around to face them, and the word 'chatter' would not be sufficient to describe the cacophony that blasted through his eardrums. Sven, suddenly enraged and filled with searing pain, began wildly grasping at various sticks and stones and hurling them in the direction of the flamboyant creatures. Violet, enraged herself by her belittlement at the hands of Sven and standing a few yards behind him, was terrified and confused. She saw the monkey-creatures' mouths moving, but she heard only Sven's barrage of insults riding effectlessly on the wind. "Stop it, Sven! STOP IT! What are you doing? They're just playing!" But Sven only grew more bestial. Desperate, Violet lunged onto her brother's back, but he wailed and thrusted her off as he tossed an especially large nut straight into the head of the central chatterer. The monkey-critter flailed his arms as he lost his balance and pratfell into the brush below. From the ground, Violet cried, "Ohmigod, is he okay? You bastard Sven!"

"SHUT UP VIOLET! JUST SHUT UP!" The other two monkeys fell silent for a moment as Sven turned his exasperation onto his sister. Then they started chattering again. Only this time, Violet heard it. With the ominous change in soundscape came the cool breeze of a hurricane's eye, and soon a deep blue shadow tainted all the trees a deeper brown. Sven froze.

"The patrol's back," said Violet, and then the wave sucked them in--Violet and Sven swirled around each other like skydivers, but they regarded each other like gamecocks in the ring. You bastard Sven! The last words Violet spoke to her brother echoed in her head. He was a bastard, she thought. If he hadn't started assaulting the poor creatures without reason, surely they would have led them to safety. Her intuition told her that much, how could he be so smart and yet so dumb and blind to something so clear to her? If I find out he hurt that innocent creature, I'll never forgive him. Violet saw her brother grasping desperately for a hold on her--Jeez, what a parasite her brother was. Violet violently shook him off. Sven's strong eyebrows, the ones he had inherited from their father, turned up in an emotional appeal. Pity? Violet thought. You'll get no more pity from me, you barnacle. You bastard. She attempted to sneer and a stream of bubbles escaped from her mouth. Sven redoubled his efforts to snag her in the cyclone. Violet, hold on to me, damnit! I swear, if I lose you to your own stubbornness, I won't bear the guilt! Sven didn't believe this. It will be your fault! Sven didn't believe this, either. The circumference of the vortex widened, and Violet's pulls from her brother became more effective. VIOLET! VIOLET! STOP IT! STOP IT... YOU... YOU BITCH! NO! Violet was blurred out of Sven's vision. He tried to fight the powerful current, but he had exhausted himself earlier in his battle with the semi-bipedal simian-types.--then the wave spit him out. And then he fell a long time. A backbreaking thud, and then darkness.

"My dear fellow! My dear fellow! Wake up!" A familiar voice stirred Sven out of unconsciousness. His vision was still bleary, but slowly his memory returned. The vortex! Was it a dream? Thank goodness for that! But wait, my research! My potential! My accolades! All gone? Please, no! And wait, Violet! Is she okay? She's okay if I'm just dreaming, right? But if not--the horror! What have I done? Relax! Relax, Sven, you must have been dreaming, I mean, come on... A rogue vortex? A magical shaman kid? Otherworldly flora and monkeys with mind-penetrating battle cries? Violet's been sending you too many short stories. Besides, that voice--"Oh, Dr. Vanderslice, how brilliant it is to see you!" It's Dr. Vanderslice, the leader of my team at CERN! Been working too many long nights, I suppose, thought Sven. Falling asleep at the collider, I'm going to hear it this time. Sven's peripheral vision began to improve. "Uh... Dr. Vanderslice, are we in a giant subterranean cavern?" Sven's heart sank. Had Dr. Vanderslice been sucked into the vortex as well? The vortex? Violet!

"Yes my dear fellow, a cavern it is (and it is below ground and sea level, though the term 'terranean' is unfamiliar to me), but no my dear fellow, I am not your Dr. Vanderslice. Vanderslice? And I thought Robert Nickel was an absurd-sounding name! I am Dr. Eli Octopi, and it is a pleasure to finally meet you, Sven Mahoney. I suppose you've met someone who resembles me--at least superficially--with near perfect accuracy. A duplicate, or a doppelgänger, if you will. Of course, I doubt they had my illustrious hulihee moustache! Speaking of which--Chip chip!" With the last two words corresponded two small claps; it seemed an act of summoning. And indeed, out from behind a boulder hopped the monkey-fiends, who seized upon Dr. Octopi and began meticulously manicuring his facial hair. The shock wore off again. Violet.

Violet. "Those monkey-bastards may have killed my sister!" shouted Sven.

"Own up to your mistakes, Sven. You drove me away." said Violet. Sven turned, bewildered. Violet was nowhere to be seen. Her voice--where had it come from? It was as clear as his own, but it seemed to have come from inside his head. What happened inside that wave?

"Monkey-bastards isn't the preferred nomenclature, my dear fellow. Collectively, we call them Pillowbeaks, for reasons which I think are quite obvious! But they have names... OK! Yo? Shawty? Homes?"

"Excuse me?" It seemed that bewilderment was the only thing keeping Sven's anxiety in check.

"Their names, my dear fellow. Yo, Shawty, and Homes! I dreamt them. Anyways, we haven't much time. Tell me what's happened as we go, and I'll do my best to do the same."

"What? No! Dr. Vander--Octopi--My sister! Violet! She was spit out of the cyclone somewhere! Where is she? Nearby? It is critical that I find her at once!" Without quite realizing it, Sven had grabbed the old man by the wispy white candyfloss that clung to his wizened cheekbones.

With a calm breath, Dr. Octopi examined the young man. "Have you heard her voice since you left the water, Sven?"

"Yes... What?"

"Well then your sister should be fine. I suggest you think carefully about what she said to you. Now if you want to help her, come with me. After all, what choice do you have?"

Sven shook his head. But he began to follow the old man and his pillowbeaks... If not for himself, if not... 'for science'... Then for Violet. While walking and catching the doctor up on the trials he'd faced so far, Sven actually took the time to survey the landscape. The outline of a cityscape formulated itself on the apex of the curved horizon. A city in an underwater cave. Fascinating. Violet would love it. But as Sven neared the place, he stopped dead, shocked yet again. Looped around the majestic spires was a large hadron collider. "Oh, I see you've noticed our inter-dimensional vortex machine! (We're still tweaking the nomenclature, I'm afraid.) You see my dear fellow, we've been meaning to develop some proper physics in this dimension of ours. I've been attempting to stir out some new particles to give me a hint as to what to do next--Expanding the dimensional boundaries when the moment seemed most promising--gerrymandering, if you will... But so far I've discovered nothing but detritus and body parts. Quite odd, if I do say so myself! Oh well, when times are tough, we must press on... For science!"


--then the wave spit Violet out. She landed in the softest sand she'd ever felt in her life, and for a moment she felt as if she'd never let the moment end. Then she remembered Sven. Before she could even decide what to think about her brother's disappearance, another wave surged and delivered her to a clearing in the jungle pockmarked by small, barnacle-shaped geysers. The geysers burped smoky steam of every color in the rainbow, and with their gas came the all-too-familiar smell of burnt sugar cookies. Violet nearly cried out as it filled her nostrils once again. The smoke began clearing. The Clearing. Violet remembered Billy's words, and was shocked to suddenly see a building standing in front of her. Tentatively, she stepped inside. Smiling, the old man at the counter turned up from a small paperback and chuckled. "Well aren't you a sight for sore eyes! How about a nightcap?"

13 comments:

  1. Hey everyone, I was trying to deepen the sibling story here while simultaneously furthering the plot. As this story gets more intricate, perhaps we should set up some sort of spreadsheet to keep track of facts with.

    My idea with Dr. Octopi is that he has found a way to split himself into doppelgängers, but perhaps it has had an effect on his sanity... His mind and soul are like swiss cheese, perhaps. He is the link to CERN in this world, because he is identical to Dr. Vanderslice and some supernatural way they are related.

    I thought the characters could learn a little bit from some time apart from each other. Sven will have to learn to deal with kinks in the plan, while Violet will have to learn how to use some science in order to continue the mission Billy assigned. Can't wait to see what that mission turns out to be! - Trent

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  2. I loved this chapter!
    I like that deep down Sven really cares about his sister.
    I really enjoyed all the links and new terms. I think the idea of separating Sven and Violet for a little while opens up a lot of great possibilities, and the underwater city with Dr. Octopi is fabulous!!!

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  3. Wonderful, Trent! So creative....I really like Dr. Octopi and his pillowbeak followers. Way to bring out the internal conflict of Sven and Violet's relationship. You did a good job of speeding up the plot and making a good segway for the next writer.

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  4. Awesome job! I think you did a great job of giving us insight into Sven's character. I also like all of the creative twists and turns you've taken. For example, the clearing -- very clever. I'm impressed.

    I feel like this chapter has really expanded the world and given a lot of much-needed depth to the characters. Congrats.

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  5. Fabulous, Trent! I agree with everyone else. You've done a great job expanding the world and moving it into a more specific direction. Pillowbeak is a fantastic name for the monkey-like creatures, and I think I'll call all monkeys that from now on.

    I was thinking, if we still want Violet to be an assassin, maybe that could be part of Billy's mission. Maybe violet has to assassinate someone in this dimension, and it affects the dimension that earth is in. Just a suggestion.

    Great job, Trent!

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  6. Murder seems like a pretty hefty task for our sweet Violet to be burdened with... Are we still feeling that? I was thinking maybe she could also have a doppelgänger in this dimension, just as Dr. Vanderslice does. A doppelgänger/assassin. Or the patrol could have some bizarre effect on her. Perhaps.

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  7. Great chapter Trent. You really tied up some loose ends with Sven and Violet and your style created some great moments of humor. I liked the city and the clearing especially. The man with the book wasn't at all what I was expecting, but it works so well! Fantastic. The end really sets up the next person.

    I like the idea of Violet either having a doppleganger or being affected by the patrol. It seems like that would make more sense (in a completely nonsensical way), even though by her vocabulary Violet may not be so sweet as she seems.

    Looking forward to the next chapter!

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  8. Okay, well now I have writers block and some MAJOR insecurities about my chapter which i is next...I have no idea how to be that creative, witty, and plain "smart" sounding as Trent displayed in this last chapter! I was thinking I could focus solely on Violet- since I really don't feel a connection or understanding of Sven's crazy scientific mind- I almost don't want to contribute to this story and just what happens in it from someone else's point of view! Ahh! Help

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  9. Well you could also show us what Sylvia's going through back on Earth! Of course I was assuming the next chapter would open with the conclusion of Violet's convo with Clearing Dude.

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  10. I think my favorite part of this chapter is definitely the Pillowbeaks' names... Yo, Shawty, and Homes... hysterical. I was literally laughing out loud as I read that. Your dialogue in genereal was very witty and well-done. I also think you did a really nice job of showing a deeper insight on Sven and Violet's relationship and especially Sven's character. I love the part where they are both getting sucked away by the Patrol... I think it was a very creative move not to use quotation marks around their thoughts. At first I thought it was a bit confusing, but then again, they ARE in a vortex, so the style matches the scenario. I think it was a smart move splitting the pair up though, and I can't wait to see more about Dr. Vanderslice and the Clearing Man! As far as Violet's mission... I agree with Trent in saying that maybe she shouldn't go all-out assassin on us.

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  11. I agree about Violet not being an assassin anymore, but I also agree about her having a doppelgaenger in this world to fulfill our desires of a murderous Vi. I agree with Melissa that it was nice to see that Sven does really care about Violet. I tried to listen to 50 cent throughout the rest of your story, but it just didn't fit the mood. I was a little saddened, but the names were hilarious. Shawty.

    I think it should be easier to progress the story with the two of them split up.

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  12. This was an awesome chapter! It was cool to see a bit more from Sven, and understand that he's a caring individual. You definitely opened up a lot of possibilities for the rest of us! And I love Dr. Octopi!

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  13. Oh my goodness! Dr. Octopi= AAAAHHH!! I am a bit scared from Sven's safety (though I must confess the mustache is impressive).

    The story is moving nicely and I agree that separating the siblings was a great idea.

    Like Shane I see possibilities for Violet to go astray, but the idea of and alternate Violet (named Junior Mint) also seems worthwhile. We could leave out the whole assassin thing and focus on the world falling apart as the exterior conflict...that doesn't sound too bad :)

    Right now I want a pet pillowbeak, but I am afraid of what the next chapter may reveal!

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