Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Mirrored Souls


Violet stopped walking and focused in on the Clearing Man. Both beings noticed that she’d stopped because the crisp sound of two pairs of shuffling feet quieted to one. She stood there, waiting for a better reply to her question than the sarcastic (and almost villainous) remark he’d made. The monkey man turned to face Violet.

“You’re a damn fool if you think I’ve captured your brother, Violet. I know this is difficult for you, but you’ve got to extend a bit of trust my way if I’m going to help you.”

Violet had begun to think about an event she hadn’t revisited in a long time. It was bright, and the ground was cluttered with woodchips. She saw herself on a jungle gym with Sven. This was the last time she remembered being around him without any hostility. As she followed him upward, she got to a point when she was too afraid to climb. He had always been more adventurous than her anyway.

“Violet, take my hand!” Sven reached a sweaty, seven year old hand downward toward his sister, but when she reached for it, she lost her balance and fell. Upon her falling Sven jerked back, almost losing his own grip in astonishment of the drop his sister was taking. This led her to believe that her first broken bone was a result of her brother, since in her mind Sven had failed to grab her hand. Sven solidly defended himself for years and finally stopped trying when he realized that there was nothing he could do to repair the situation. She desperately longed to trust her brother and feel safe around him, but this event had scarred her. And now both siblings ponder the same memory along with ideas about who failed who when the patrol waves came.

“And if you could focus on the present, it would really help our situation,” the Clearing Man said. “This mind-reading I’ve picked up doesn’t have an on/off switch. It happened when I moved through a portal once, and it hasn’t stopped since. These portals are incredibly complex, as are the way they affect full and partial human bodies like yours and mine. This is why you can probably hear some of Sven’s thoughts, and vice versa.”

“I’ll do my best. I’ve just got a lot on my mind right now. What the hell are we supposed to do from here?” Violet replied.

“I’m not exactly sure, but we’re going to stay where Billy and I know what we’re doing; which for now is this forest.”

*****

“Dr. Octopi, were our original findings correct in our theory that this vortex served as a tunnel between our universe and the next?” “Yes, Sven; the phenomenon which observed from the outside appears to be a space-time vortex, is experienced from the inside by travelers like yourself and your sister as a tidal wave. The indigenous people refer to it as ‘the patrol,’ due to the fact that periodically the tunnel collapses and the polarity is reversed, causing the waves to come crashing together again.” Sven took a moment to let the words sink in and replied, “Oh my God, Doctor. What Violet and I experienced as a wave was actually the outer membrane of the passage!”

“Exactly! I can see that you’re scientifically minded like myself, Sven,” Dr. Octopi said. “I have a discovery to confide in you. According to my calculations, using a consistent-beam charged quark particle burst it is theoretically possible to collapse the alternate universe that the vortexes serve as bridges between.”

“Stopping it from sucking away our reality, and effectively saving our planet!” Sven shot back.

“But if we go forward with such an endeavor, our actions would destroy the alternate universe and all of its inhabitants.”

“Violet,” Sven quietly whispered to himself. “So, if you are the corresponding doppelgänger of Dr. Vanderslice, do I also have a mirrored soul?”

“In the immortal words of Sir Isaac Newton, Sven; ‘For every action there is an equal, yet opposite reaction.’ Consider your question answered.”

*****

Trekking through the forest, Violet continues posing questions to the Clearing Man.

“What strange species are you? Are you from my world or another?”

“I’m the offspring of what you might call an ‘intersection;’ A traveler from your world who came through the vortex and got fused with a most unfortunate monkey.”

“Do you consider yourself man or beast then?”

Offended, the Clearing Man shot back, “And what is the measure of a man?”

The simian-human mutant grabbed Violet and began to lead her deeper into the forest. Shocked by his force, Violet recoiled, “Get your stinking paws off me you damn dirty ape!

16 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hey guys! I did my best to tie up loose ends and make things cohesive. Hopefully I've enabled the next two writers to drive the plot toward a logical climax.

    Here are some possible things for the next writers to pick up on:

    -Sven has a big decision: save the earth, or save Violet?

    -Violet: is she really the Violet we know and love, or is she the alternate universe Violet dopplegänger who just doesn't know it yet?

    -Is Dr. Octopi telling Sven the truth, or leading him down a rabbit trail for his own means to an end?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Great job wrapping things up Zak, I can really see how these things could work together.

    However,
    This chapter was also a little short, but in a different way. You did awesome with answers, but they seem sudden and short and over-explained. I feel like you should take some more time to expound on details, slow down your transitions, and leave more for the reader to discover instead of, for lack of a better term, spoon-feeding it to them.

    I love the Violet thing, about the doppleganger. That sounds like a really neat idea.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I think you did a really nice job of answering some of the questions that were asked in class, like what is the patrol? what's the deal with the mind-reading? whose side is Billy on?(Clearing Man's...at least for now), and what's the root of Sven and Violet's animosity towards one another (altough I think this needs to be further developed in later chapters.) Dr. Octopi here seems benevolent enough, but I think that sets up nicely for a betrayal later on (if that's the route we want to take). One thing I'm a bit confused on is this: is Sven in the "alternate universe" that Octopi is talking about, or is that "alternate universe" that must be destroyed actually earth OR the place where Violet is? Maybe we can clear that up a bit in the next chapter. Overall, great job!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Shane: sorry if it felt a little "spoon-fed." My intentions here were tying up loose ends, and I hope there's still plenty for the reader to discover in future readings.

    Lauren: As I wrote it, the "alternate universe" is where Violet and Clearing Man are. According to Dr. Octopi's plan(which we don't know the true motives of yet) this area must be destroyed to close the gap between the alternate universe and earth, saving earth. I wrote it that way in an attempt to set Sven up with a tough decision since he is this "for science" guy who is pretty concerned with figuring things out and saving the earth earlier in the story. Then again, we know that he loves Violet and has a longing to save her as well. It's up to the next writers to determine which is more important to Sven.

    Also, bear in mind that with the whole trickiness of "who do we trust here?" everything the doctor laid out could be false if the next writers want it to be.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I'm very pleased with how things are tied up here. You've restored my faith in this novel haha. I thought we had too many loose ends, but you handled them all excellently and pointedly. Great work.

    I really like the idea of Violet having a doppelgänger, and I am thrilled with this choice that Sven is going to have to make. I have to agree with Lauren, though -- I still want to see more. Why is their relationship so strained? I still feel like there is more to it. Also, I want to know about their parents. Are they dead officially? These are questions for the next writers and really not for you. Again, I'm pleased with your work.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Great job Zack! You did a good job of tying up some loose ends. I will try to continue to make things come together in the next chapter. I like how you set up the opportunity for Dr. Octopi to be good or bad. I will try to expand upon this, and also I will try to further explain why Sven and Violet are strained. I like the idea of a doppelganger for Violet too, and I'll try to incorporate that but im not really sure how yet....maybe Ill leave that for the next writer. Anyways, thanks for clarifying things!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Question: Sven and Dr Octopti/Vanderslice are still in the alternate reality, not the real world, right?

    ReplyDelete
  9. Fun chapter! Thanks for answering questions. I like you thoughts and writing so I was a little disappointed there wasn't more. You were still able to tie up some very important loose ends though, which is awesome! Thanks!

    ReplyDelete
  10. April: Sven and Dr. Octopi are on earth contemplating the destruction of the vortex and the alternate universe(where Violet is), which will (supposedly) save earth.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I really like you explanation of the monkey-man and his mind reading ability. I also think the chapter could've been a little longer, but overall it was nice.

    I also like the idea of at least acknowledging Violet's doppelganger and maybe Sven's, too. Perhaps their doppelgangers could become a foil for some of Violet and Sven's issues.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Sven and Dr. Octopi are on Earth, underwater? So the patrol wave works like the vortex rips, but doesn't necessarily drop people into the alternate universe? Violet was spit back into Universe B, while Sven returned home to Universe A (Earth)? Dr. Octopi and Vanderslice are different people though, right? And Dr. Octopi is from Universe B, right? So he transported via patrol wave to undersea Earth and built his own LHC there? Is that what's up?

    Haha, I loved your writing style but I guess the answers you've given are twisting my noodle a bit. The flashback was well-done, and it's cool to see (pseudo)scientific explanations for the mystical elements of the story.

    The dialogue between Sven and Octopi is hilarious and convincing. You write science fiction very well--The science terminology you use seems very natural and helps bring the story back to the central issue regarding the LHC. It's good that we have a hypothetical method for returning order to Planet Earth, even if its a troublesome one.

    The scene with Violet and The Clearing Man seemed a little slow... I hope we see more of this alternate universe, especially since we've now decided that the Underwater LHC City is not part of it. Trodding through the forest is getting a little tedious, and I don't want to write Violet into a Damsel in Distress position and make this a story about Sven saving the day a la Jeff Goldblum in Independence Day. Hopefully someone will soon be inspired to make this alternate universe a little more colorful, and give Violet more of a purpose and an adventure.

    The Clearing Man is a total jerk.

    I think Dr. Vanderslice and Sylvia could meet up soon to give us the perspective of some earthbound earthlings.

    I agree that there was some spoonfeeding here, but I also agree with Scott that you've gotten us back on course towards resolution. Cheers, mate! - Trent

    ReplyDelete
  13. Awesome tying! Violet and the Clearing man retorting in pop culture references is a nice touch, it really brings out the scientific basis for Sven's conversation.
    Like a few said a few places felt a touch spoon fed, but over all I really enjoyed it!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Trent: You're on track.Everything you're thinking (as I've read in your comment) is what's up. Sorry I twisted your noodle with my attempt to answer all of these questions. I don't have much experience with science fiction stuff, so it was a challenge to come up with all of that.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Until I read Trents comment I wasn't sure where Sven and dr octopi were, but now it makes sense. That's a clever idea! I like that the patrol can transport you as well. I think this will be helpful later. I think the doppelgängers are something we can't really avoid at this point.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I loved that! I was short, but I wouldn't have added anything else in there- I thought you really dug deeper into Violet and Sven's personality and I enjoyed finding out more about them. I like what you've done with my half monkey half man character- his personality isn't evil just a bit shady, which is interesting. Well done!

    ReplyDelete